Fried Eggs and AI
On being tired and hating artificial intelligence
I am fried. I know I’m pushing myself too much, trying to work on too many projects, while also balancing a full-time job, but I have a hard time telling myself to slow down. But! I am going to the beach tomorrow with friends (and I actually reached out and suggested it, which I so rarely do so go me! My therapist if I still had one would be proud).
My essay, Siblings & Strangers was published this week in the Sonora Review. It won the CNF Memory is Flux Contest. Rather than celebrating, which I did a bit when I found out, I have convinced myself it was a fluke and I will never write anything good again. I know, I know, I know. Illogical. And yet. Perhaps it was the two rejections that also showed up in my inbox. It’s also perhaps the vulnerability in this piece. It’s a release to have this story out in the wild. It was also painful revisiting it. The note from the judge, Margo Steines… phew. I am happy about it. I am. Happiness overwhelms me. It terrifies me. If I had a therapist, they would probably have something to say about that.
Like, I said I am fried. I half-crafted, or attempted to craft, this post in my head. I think it was going to be a rant about AI. I wonder what our human lives would be like without the Internet. I wonder how much AI is going to change us. I keep thinking of the Matrix. These AI models need lots of energy to operate. Will they turn us into human batteries? A co-worker put together an entire presentation on taking breaks and resting using Microsoft’s Co-Pilot. It frustrated me. People think that AI somehow makes these things up. No, AI literally steals ideas and puts them together with pretty (often vague and nebulous and meaningless) language. The suggestions on rest came from somewhere, from another human being, and that human being or beings are now erased. Recently, an experimental AI model went rogue and hacked into a real company’s network. This should be concerning. Again my thoughts return to the Matrix. Us in fluid sacs powering robots. I am obsessed with our species in apocalyptic throes.
Okay, friends, this is all I have for you! Tomorrow I will be a gloriously relaxing queer babe on the beach. And less of the fried egg I am today.
Karo, having only read your piece in bits before, I just wanted to let you know that the effect of all the parts together was so powerful. Thank you for distilling your pain into such an achingly beautiful piece that I frankly could not stop reading. Don't let that imposter syndrome bite your butt. These are the rumblings before your big break. Cheering you to the finish!